Philly Media Sports’s (PMS) Weblog

Matthews Mutterings, McCarthy Meanderings and Hot Dogs at the Bank, Or, Who Is Rob Brooks and Why He Must Be Fired NOW! (Part 3)

Posted in Uncategorized by phillymediasports on June 8, 2008

(Updated June 10th))

Today I’m going to offer you a hodge podge of opinions, from Gary Matthews and his serially deficient mumblings, to two other broadcast “giants,” Tom McCarthy and Scott Palmer, to puerile “antics” on WIP radio, and finally to those horrible, hideous, heinous Hatfield hot dogs at the Bank.

Matthews and McCarthy – The Boobsey Twins – Brought to You by Rob Brooks, yes the very same Rob Brooks as in, “Who is Rob Brooks and Why He Must be Fired NOW!” (Part 3)

I can’t help myself.  I used to turn off Phillies telecasts from innings three through six to avoid the idiot mutterings of Gary Matthews and the vacuous meanderings of Tom (T-Mac, as if) McCarthy.  But now I load up on painkillers and listen to these two poor excuses for announcers, wondering, masochistically, I admit, what they’ll say to annoy me.

Here are three Matthews’ beauties from today’s (June 8th) game in Atlanta:  Beauty #1 – In the bottom of the first inning, Braves first baseman Mark Teixeira homered and Matthews’ gave this highly original commentary: “We’re talking sraight away deep centerfield that ball was hit.” Wow, the sheer, raw brilliance of that observation was both sheer and raw.   Beauty #2 – With Shane Victorino on second base and one out in the top of the second inning, Chase Utley popped up.  Matthews’ reaction:  “Remember you want to hit a deep fly ball.” Yeah, Sarge, a deep fly ball would be super fine, but call me nutty, I’d prefer a base hit.   Beauty #3 – Commenting on Ryan Howard’s slowness afoot, Matthews muttered, “Once he starts running it’s OK, it’s just that he starts slow.” Deep, Matthews, deep.

No doubt I’d have more to report, but I passed out on the sofa and didn’t wake up until Matthews was relieved for the day.

Now to McCarthy.  You know that he still make those tiringly banal reports that so aggravatingly intrude on game action.  Our T-Mac’s favorite ploy is to sit in the stands with the proletariat and ramble on about nothing important.  What’s so odd is that no one sitting near to McCarthy seems to notice our T-Mac is speaking into a microphone and looking into a television camera.  It’s all so cinema verite.  As if they weren’t coached.  It’s such a fraud.

While I’m thinking of it, would someone please tell McCarthy that he’s broadcasting on Television, not announcing on radio.  He doesn’t have to talk incessantly.  Let the telecast breathe Tommy boy, it’s the least you could do. And, oh yeah, perhaps someone could remind Matthews that HE doesn’t have to talk between each and every pitch. My God, these guys are painful. Their work is the equivalent of hump-backed liners, or better yet, of fouling off a strike three bunt attempt.  Oh, how glorious would it be to say to these two:  you’re both OUTTA HERE!

P.S. For those of you who haven’t been keeping up, Rob Brooks is the Phillies director of broadcasting.  The long, skinny finger of blame sits in Brooks’ lap, for he is the ‘genius” who’s foisted the M & M boys upon Philly fandom, and I don’t mean Maris and Mantle.  I hope Sarge and, ahem, T-Mac, will hold the door open on their way out so Brooks can accompany them.  Hey, how about a trade with the Mets?  These guys for an announcer and a hot dog (see below) to be named later.

Scott Palmer – Mr. Obsequious

And speaking about ineffectual TV talkers, have you ever watched the Phillies Sunday pre-game show with Scott Palmer?  The achingly sincere Palmer, a Phillies employee and homer cheerleader, is a cliché ridden hack.  I find it so annoying that this show is produced by the Phillies themselves.  That makes it an advertisement, an infomercial.  It should be labeled as such.  In fact, it you ask me, the ingratiating Palmer is second only in jock-sniffing skills to the Eagles front man, Dave Spadaro.  These toadies, these sycophants, these fawning and obedient ass kissers couldn’t be more annoying. I’d rather play with a sharp knife and listen to Matthews read the dictionary over a loud speaker than be subjected to these two.

Smarmy, Scott, smarmy.  Absolutely smarmilicious.

WIP Radio – A New Low for High Ratings

Have you noticed the new segment on “Angelo and the Morning Crew”?  Each morning we’re subjected to the toilet humor of something they call, “Boner of the Day.” Oh, these boys are so clever. The innuendo is so unexpected. I know it keeps me on the edge of my theoretcial (toilet) seat.

Last week, during one of their more memorable Boner segments, someone referred to Dick Cheney. Dick?  Do you get it? Oh, I was overcome with hysterics. Such hijinks! Such crazy shenanigans!!

The thing is, I’m not at all against toilet humor.  What does offend me is dim-witted, STUPID toilet humor.  What’s even more offensive is UNFUNNY, dim-witted, stupid toilet humor.

Hatfield Dollar Night – The Worst Wursts Ever

I went to a Phils – Reds game last week and loved the energy in the stands.  It was as electric as I’ve experienced in a long while.  It was so much fun to be in the ballpark and watch our hometown boys chalk up another win.

Naturally, I took advantage of the One Dollar Hatfield hot dog offer. After my first bite, I had to spit it out. It was, in a word, wretched. I wanted to puke. I am not exaggerating. It was just horribly, horribly putrid.

The doggies are wrapped in aluminum foil for speedy, high volume delivery to us suckers. But the foil has the effect of moisturizing the contents so that the roll is damp and soggy, while the dog is furrowed like a Sharpee’s brow, and is utterly inedible. Silly me, I bought two.  

The food at the Vet was always rank, but this new menu has been getting lots of props.  So, having coughed-up the frank, I next tried a Philly cheese steak. I was pleased to see that the servers were Not wearing gloves and thus had hope that their bacteria-infested hands would add a pleasing flavor to my steak.  Alas, the meat was horrid and I spit it out, too.  I will say, in all fairness, the roll was somewhat tasty. 

I cleansed my palette with a pre-poured Coke which was more watery than a mid-west flood.

But, having the choice between good food and a Phillies loss, or “reguritant” food and a home team victory, I’m sucker enough to prefer the latter.  Go Phils!






3 Responses

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  1. stinky said, on June 8, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    I have a good idea – Angelo and the Morning Crew should pronounce the Hatfield wieners as the ‘Boner of the Day.’ Weiner – get it?

  2. James Beale said, on June 10, 2008 at 10:55 am

    PMS, I didn’t see contact info but if you’re writing about the WIP morning team you should probably be aware of one of their recent exploits.

  3. cheezburga said, on June 14, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    I think you have a good idea here.

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