Philly Media Sports’s (PMS) Weblog

Who is Rob Brooks and Why He Must Be Fired NOW!

Posted in Uncategorized by phillymediasports on May 13, 2008

That the Phillies have lost more games than any team in the history of Major League Baseball is a sad, but well known fact among sports cognoscenti in this town.  What’s less well known is how Rob Brooks has destroyed a first place Phillies telecast.

Who is Rob Brooks, you ask?  Brooks is the Phillies Director of Broadcasting.  If you know your Phillies history, you could say Brooks is the broadcasting equivalent of former Phillies shortstop Steve Jeltz.  Jeltz, who played for the Phils from 1983-89, hit a “robust” .210 for his career, accumulating all of 5 home runs in 1749 at bats.  That four of those homers came in one season shouldn’t detract from the meagerness of his slugging prowess.  Of course, this belies the question of “How did Jeltz get the job, anyway?”

Well, Brooks has “Jeltzed” us fans.  The Phils’ telecasts have been murderous on the ears for the last three years.  They are beyond horrible.  They are the futile attempts by Brooks trying to prove how smart, how clever he is.  All his odd, and yes, stupid moves, have destroyed the pleasures of listening.  The Cult of How Wonderful I Am Rob has destroyed the beauty of a televised game.

Ok, we know how terrific Harry and Whitey were.  What a team!  Their telecasts were joys to behold and we loved them both. I’ll even admit to enjoying Chris Wheeler’s commentary. No matter how horrid the Phillies were, no matter how incompetent the team, you could still enjoy watching even a lopsided, losing game.

But then Richie Ashburn died, and Larry Anderson took his spot.  “L.A.” was more than serviceable. He was a rookie who replaced an icon, but he was charming and had an easy rapport with Harry.  Watching a Phillies telecast was still a pleasure.

But the Cult of Rob couldn’t put up with Anderson. Apparently, Andy didn’t always pause to comment upon an on-screen graphic, or sometimes ignored a frivolous shot of an outfielder standing at rest, doing nothing. For these horrible sins, Andy was castaway and given play-by-play duties on the radio.  How dumb was that? Poor Anderson was ill equipped to handle the job and was made to seem incompetent to listeners.  But don’t blame Andy.  Error:  Brooks (1).

In a single move, Brooks castrated both the radio and television broadcasts – a wretched doubleheader if ever there was one.  With sublime ego and utter stupidity, Brooks replaced Anderson with Scott “The Vacuous Voice” Graham. Graham had two things going for him:  a great, if anonymous speaking voice, and the ability to speak very fast. That he didn’t have any sense of how to tell a baseball story was both obvious and irrelevant, at least to the Cult of Rob. Brooks fired him after one year. Error:  Brooks (2).

Then, Brooks hired the Sarge, Gary Matthews.  I was so excited.  I couldn’t wait to hear Matthews, remembering with happiness his flair for playing outfield for the Phillies from 1981-83. There’s an indelible picture in my mind of Matthews crossing the plate after a home run and pointing a long index finger skyward.  That was a signature moment all Phils fans loved.

So, with delicious anticipation, I tuned-in to the first inning of the first spring training telecast in 2007. After one sentence, I knew we’d been screwed.  Not only screwed, but pregnant with an unwanted child. Matthews was atrocious.  Really, the worst, most feeble excuse for a television color man in history. Indisputably.  It was painful to listen to him.  Was he really so stupid?  Was he really so incoherent, so incompetent, such a nincompoop?  The answers, sadly, were, and are, yes, yes, and yes.  Error:  Brooks (3).

But get this: Brooks foisted Matthews on us fans for the full 9 innings of every game. Nine  Innings!!!!!!!!! If you multiply 9 times 162 games in a season you get Sarged for 1458 innings.  My God, absoultely brutal!

But wait, there was more Brooksian cleverness underway.  He put three men in the booth:  Harry, Wheels and Matthews.  It was incoherent.  There was no rhythm.  All three tripped over each other. The beautiful pace of a baseball telecast was emasculated.  In its place was noise.  Even worse, when Harry was excused for innings 4, 5 and 6 (cigar break), that just meant more Matthews mutterings.  Pathetic.  Error:  Brooks (4).

So, Matthews, the Sarge, was demoted to Private for 2008.  Now he only gets 3 innings per game. (Praise the Lord for small blessings.) But still, the telecasts, to use a word I deplore, suck.  More Brooksian cleverness is in play.  Now, we have a disjointed telecast of another persuasion.  Once again the lovely cadences of a first rate baseball telecast is subservient to the Cult of Rob. Rob wants to show the world how smart he is.  What an innovator!  Yuck!

Now we have this:  Innings 1 and 2: Harry and Wheels.  Inning 3:  Harry and Matthews.  Innings 4 and 5: (newly hired) Tom McCarthy.  Inning 6 – McCarthy and Wheels.  Innings 7-8 and 9:  Harry and Wheels. The telecasts have been ruptured into 5 separate, disjointed parts, which means there is no continuity at all. Zero.

And worse, in a move to apparently placate McCarthy for getting only 3 TV innings, we now have “McCarthy Inserts” about 3 times per game.  Right in the middle of action, the camera cuts away to McCarthy standing in some faraway place in the ball yard, nuking the proceedings with yet another bunch of blather. Meanwhile the game goes on, and pitches are missed by the camera.  Or, if the camera cuts away to the action, McCarthy is still talking, obliterating the in-game commentary of Harry and Wheels. Error: Brooks (5).

It’s maddening.  During a recent home telecast, McCarthy was interviewing the Padres announcer, Jerry Coleman, in the bottom of the 8th inning.  That the interview was a senseless interruption- Coleman was dull and uncooperative – is a moot (mute) point.  Because at just that moment, Ryan Howard hit a majestic home run to right field to give the Phils a go-ahead run, which proved to be the game winner.

And what did we hear?  Another magical “Home-Run-It’s-Outta-Here” call by our beloved Harry? No, we heard McCarthy make a late, lame, parenthetical note that, oh, by the way, Howard had homered. And then he went back to his non-sensical mutterings with Coleman. The incompetence in astounding. I mean, it’s so stupid, so self-serving, so moronic.  Error:  Brooks (6).

If I could have three wishes for this 2008 Philies season, it would be as follows:  1.  The Phils win the World Series.  2.  Matthews is fired.  3.  Brooks is fired and winds up in a similar position with the Mets. Or, to put it another way:  Six errors and you’re OUTTA HERE!!!!!

P.S.  I’m going CRAZY!  I’m ready to vomit. It’s May 14th and the Phils are, at this moment, playing the Braves.  Tom McCarthy (“T-Mac” – as if) has already intruded on the first inning with his in-game report. McCarthy has informed us that Mark Teixeira, who is batting for the Braves in the first inning, told him before the game that his “back was better,” and that he intended to play tonight.  Well, Duh.  Thanks, Tom, for that fantastically worthless piece of obviousness. Yes, Mark is, indeed, “better,” as evidenced by the fact that he’s now batting, and, therefore, is IN THE GAME!

But there’s more and it’s worse.  It’s the top of the second inning now, and McCarthy has still another intrusion, this time an interview with Phils GM, Pat Gillick.  No matter that the first batter of the inning goes to five pitches before making out, while Harry Kalas remains mute. THEN, the next batter, Kelly Johnson hits a 400+ foot home run, again during a useless interview.  Once more, Harry is muted, while McCarthy, parenthetically, tosses in an oh, by the way, just in case you might be interested, you stupid fans, Kelly Johnson just hit a home run.  Now let’s get back to my vacuous and completely worthless interview. Screw the game. And screw all of you who tuned-in.

Is this not preposterous? Does it not make you sick? This is once again the work of Rob (The Game Doesn’t Matter) Brooks, game rupturer. What an incredible moron! He is off his Rocker, and I DO mean John. How much longer will he be allowed to castrate these telecasts? Isn’t anyone paying attention? And, oh, if you didn’t watch you might not believe this, but one of the between innings commercials was for a funeral home! The colossal stupidity!! The utter idiocy!!! Oh, the horror!!!!

How much more crap must we take? 




2 Responses

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  1. Paul North said, on May 17, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    I llike this blog. Your a good writer. Maybe you should broadcast sports show?

  2. The Beast of the East said, on May 30, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    Dude, why don’t you tell us what you really think? You’re right, of course. I assume McCarthy is that ugly-looking bald guy I saw in the dugout tonight? Sorry to say, I just flipped over to “Bones” on my trusty DVR–that Emily Deschanel is totally babalicious. It helped that we were ahead by 9 runs. By the way, you slipped that “cognoscenti” in there like one of those majestic Lefty sliders–didn’t see it coming, and it was by me before I blinked.

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