Philly Media Sports’s (PMS) Weblog

Gary Matthews – Discharge the Sarge

Posted in Uncategorized by phillymediasports on May 5, 2008

So, let’s begin.  Let’s begin with the most painful, grating, puerile announcing work ever to be foisted upon us fans. Of course, I’m referring to the horrid mutterings of Gary (The Sarge) Matthews, alleged color man for Phillies telecasts.  Ordinarily, I’d demote the Sarge to Private, but his work is so bad, I have to drum him out of the service with a Dishonorable Discharge.  Now that I think of it, Matthews pollutes the airwaves with a putrid stream, no, make that a river, of nasty discharges.  

During yesterday’s telecast (Phils v. Padres, Sunday, May 4th) I counted the number of times Matthews used his favorite crutch – “ACTUALLY.”   He actually used “actually” 14 (!) times in 3 innings. Just be thankful he isn’t doing all 9 innings like last year. His “actually’s” would total 42.  Hard to believe, Harry.

But, wait, there’s more.  Matthews never seems to connect the beginning of a thought with a conclusion. He wanders all over the tortured outfield of his mind.  And he doesn’t simply have a grasp of the obvious, no, he has a choke hold.  Get this:  Referring to former pitcher Mike Krukow:  ”He’s got a vineyard where they actually make wine out there.”  Brilliant.  Or how about this juicy bit of reporting, referring to the Giants’ Emmanuel Burriss scoring on a close play at the plate: “He actually got his foot in there and made it easy – not easy – for the umpire to see.” Inane to the Nth.

What’s a fan to do?  I’ve tried muting Matthews, but that really doesn’t work. So, sadly, I’ve given-up the Phils telecasts during Matthews’ time – the 3rd through the 5th innings. I am, however, getting more (vin) yard work done while listening to the radio broadcast of the very adequate Scott Franske.

In parting, I would like to sing the Sarge outta here: na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye.

PC – Post’s Coming:  Rob Brooks – Phillies Director of Broadcasting, must follow Matthews out the door. Marc Zumoff and his clutch (crutch) of cliched announcing.  Ed Moran gets it right – He’s the only person in the 6th largest city in America to know that Danny Briere prefers to be called Daniel. Thank you, Eduardo! 


8 Responses

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  1. phillymediasports said, on May 7, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    great idea. matthews is the worst of the worst. keep it up.

    • Vicky said, on May 10, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      Everyone is saying where is Sarge! He will be missed!

  2. sara said, on May 7, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    Great blog. I couldn’t agree with you more. This “announcer” has got to go. Keep up the good work!

  3. stinky said, on May 7, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    So glad I found this blog – your opinions are right on the mark. Keep it coming. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

    • Vicky said, on May 10, 2014 at 8:47 pm

      Bring back Sarge he is Philly

      • phillymediasports said, on May 10, 2014 at 9:01 pm

        thanks for writing, vicky. poor poor sarge is gone gone gone. now i can watch all 9 innings on tv again.

  4. Ray said, on May 17, 2008 at 9:49 am

    Sure Sarge is rough on the edges, blue collar so to speak but isn’t that what the majority of us are? Do we want another squeaky clean commentator in the Philly’s booth that bore us with statistics or hear it from someone that has earned his “stripes”. Lighten up, chill on GM.

  5. […] Now these two haven’t been the most-loved personalities in Phillies radio history. When they hit the booth together they immediately drew less-than rave reviews from Phillies faithful. Sarge has a soft-spoken style and overuses certain phrases – "filthy" and "cartoonlike" are two of the more obvious examples – while TMac is just kind of goofy, a reputation he seems to cultivate with his in-game interviews from random locations across the ballpark. Philly Media Sports (a blog thus named so it can call itself ‘PMS’) has posts entitled "Tom McCarthy, latest Phillies Disaster" and "Gary Matthews – Discharge the Sarge." […]

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